Here is an essay I wrote in my first year at TRU. I believe this essay to be an example of how deep I’m willing to go regarding self-reflection and emotion for a good essay.
Gitsga
ENGL 1100-14
For: Lynda Daneliuk
April 14, 2022
How Do Online Video Games Affect the Gender-Identity of Their Players?
Online video games (such as Final Fantasy XIV) can provide a safe environment for players to freely express and explore their gender identities. People are freer than ever to explore what their identities mean to them. In this research paper, I will be looking at the effects and possible benefits that online video games have in helping their players in establishing their gender identities. According to Mac Callum-Stewart (2008), many people use online video games as an outlet to be able to express themselves freely because many games can be gender neutral. In some cases, through engaging in the act of “gender-bending” in which a player will have an avatar that expresses as the opposite gender than that of the player. In other cases, such as Crowe and Watts (2014) found, a same-sex couple may have one of them play as the opposite sex to avoid scrutiny, (although in the right game, this might not be an issue.) Mendelman et al. (2021) found that many players form sentimental bonds with the characters they play, and indeed, adopt some of the traditional “gender norms” that their character embodies. As an online video game player, I’ve personally experienced most of these things first-hand and will be sharing some of my experiences in the online game Final Fantasy XIV here.
When creating my character for the first time, I decided upon playing with a female avatar, I made her far shorter than I am in real life, and with long, white hair. I spent about an hour, if not more, carefully choosing how I wanted her to look. This nose, or that nose, this eye shape, that eye shape, etc. etc. until finally, I had created my character: Priscilla. She was very pretty in my opinion, and everything I thought (at the time) that I was looking for in a partner. Later, however, I’d realize that I might prefer to be Priscilla. Like me, many other players of these games engage in this activity known as “gender-bending”, we purposefully create and play avatars of a different gender than our own. We do this for many different reasons, in many cases, the female avatars simply look better than the males and have more style choices regarding aesthetic. Because “… the avatar is an expression of gender-identity exploration…” (Crowe and Watts, 2014, p. 218) players can be whatever they want to be. In some cases, players will end up using their avatars as an extension of themselves. The freedom that these avatars enable their players to have can be therapeutic. For someone who might be struggling with their gender identity, the freedom to be able to be who they want in game is far more helpful than trying to express themselves in real life. In game, it’s hard to judge someone based on appearance, when all the players can change that appearance at any time (Crowe and Watts, 2014). Playing as a different gender also enables the player to experiment with different “gender roles” such as male characters being the melee fighters, or female characters being magic users. According to Mendelman et al. (2021):
“Avatar functions tend to be gendered even though in many popular contexts of use (e.g., massively multiplayer online role-playing games), sex does not influence the avatar’s functional attributes. For example, fighting-function characters (e.g., warriors) tend to be customized as male, while supportive-function characters (e.g., healers) tend to be customized as female—tendencies that occur despite avatar sex choice having no functional effect on the avatar’s performance in these roles”
In my case, when I play as Priscilla, I prefer to use feminine pronouns, because in that game, I am Priscilla. It’s helpful for me in my journey of self-realization to have the ability to be this cute girl. I like to be complimented and called cute when I’m Priscilla. Honestly, it’s an ego boost, because I don’t get any kind of attention like that in real life. Part of what makes Final Fantasy XIV so unique, is the abundance of options for character customization, this is what really allows for the freedom of expression that most people experiencing gender dysphoria crave. While most online games have set a standard of scantily clad female avatars (which generally is harmful to female self-identity), Final Fantasy XIV allows for all players to wear whatever they would like. From males in maid dresses to females in full plate armour and everything in-between, the possibilities for self-expression are endless.
Over the course of playing these games, it’s not uncommon for players to develop emotional and sentimental attachment to their avatars. Personally, I consider my avatar to be an extension of myself, simply because of the time I’ve spent as her, (over 1200 hours of in-game time spanning nearly 2 years). The time spent is invaluable in terms of my personal growth, as this was the first online game I’ve played where I’ve had an actual group of people to play with. Usually, if I were to play an online game like this, I’d spend most of my time in seclusion, because I wasn’t able to communicate with anyone outside of the game. From Final Fantasy XIV I’ve been able to form some very real bonds with the people I play with, and with the community of the game being extremely supportive of LGBTQ+, it’s been a very safe place to explore gender identity. On the topic of community, having a solid support from the people you associate with in these games is important, as it’s easy to feel isolated, or indeed, alienated if you have a bad experience in the early game. For this research, I created a new character to replay the beginning of the game, again playing a female, but a taller and more muscular woman. To my surprise, the game was not much different from this perspective, I still received support from the random people I matched with for content. I attempted the role of a healer (a traditionally female role), which is way out of my comfort zone, as a lot of pressure is typically put on the healer to ensure the smooth completion of content, but the community would adapt. For example, I’d say: “Hello! This is my first time in this dungeon and to healing.” Most responses I would get would be supportive, such as offering pointers from veteran players to the group offering to take a slower pace. This behaviour is not limited to just female characters either, newer players are marked as a “sprout” with an icon above their heads and as all players can see this, they adapt to the newcomer almost instantaneously. I adapt to newer players like this and (by virtue of the society of the game being so welcoming) have been conditioned to allow for mistakes by new players and to encourage them and help them along. This lack of gatekeeping seems to contribute to the fact that Final Fantasy XIV is overall far less toxic than games like World of Warcraft according to my experience as a new player in that game.
In comparison to today’s video game landscape, that of inclusivity and freedom of expression, games of the past were heavily focused on perpetuating male dominance. These games, targeted at young males, were subtly engineered to steer young males into the masculine gender role. (Cole, 2014) Very few games had female leads and if they did, they were either heavily sexualised like Lara Croft, or damsels in distress like Princess Peach, essentially telling males that females are there to look sexy or be saved. Compared to Final Fantasy XIV in which any gender can become the “Warrior of Light” and “The Champion of Eorzea” among many other titles, gender roles really mean nothing anymore, as most games have gender-neutral storylines to include everyone equally.
All in all, the ability these online games give to their players to express themselves however they want is greatly beneficial to gender identity development. In a safe environment, with relative anonymity, it’s so easy to see why many people choose online games as an outlet to explore their identities. As someone exploring their own identity, finding my community (game family) in Final Fantasy XIV has been an overwhelmingly positive experience. These friendships, especially in pandemic time, have been so helpful in shedding the loneliness that has plagued me since I don’t know how long. I would joke and say things like: “Is this how support feels?”, but that rings truer and truer every day. These people accept me as I am, and however I want to be, and this is something that every person needs for healthy development. In an environment that is free from judgement and where someone will be accepted as they are, is something that we need to adopt as a society in real life. It just works, and in the relatively short time that I’ve spent in the society of Final Fantasy XIV has done more for my self-image and gender identity than anything else in my 31 years of life.
References
Cole, S. M. (2014). Gender identity construction through talk about video games. CLCWeb:
Comparative Literature and Culture, 16(5). https://doi-org.ezproxy.tru.ca/10.7771/1481-
4374.2487
Crowe, N., & Watts, M. (2014). ‘When I click “ok” I become Sassy – I become a girl’. Young
people and gender identity: subverting the ‘body’ in massively multi-player online role-
playing games. International Journal of Adolescence & Youth, 19(2), 217–231.
MacCallum-Stewart, E. (2008). Real boys carry girly epics: Normalising gender bending in
online games. Eludamos. Journal for Computer Games Culture, 2(1), 27 – 40.
Mendelman, L., Ratan, R. A., Fordham, J., Knittel, M., & Milik, O. (2021). Sentimental
Avatars: Gender identification and vehicles of selfhood in popular media from
nineteenth-century novels to modern video games. Games & Culture, 16(2), 160–186.